Zenitude #51: Flailing Cat Stroke, Nose Bubbles & Snot

Swimming lessons. Check.

In my quest to complete my 50 things by 50, I have successfully completed my swimming lessons and this is what I learned over the course of 4 weeks. In my mind, I look like Dara Torres (twelve-time Olympic medalist), but in reality I look like a flailing cat.

The struggle is real, folks. Adult flailing cat stroke swimmers UNITE! But guess what else I learned about myself? I can blow frickin' bubbles out of my nose under water! And this…this, my Zen-itude Friends…makes me a very happy flailing cat swimmer.

However, when my truly patient and fabulous swim instructor, Joy, attempted to teach me water safety skills by simulating oceanic waves in the pool, I became a drowning, scared, flailing cat. As the deluge of 1,000 foot waves sought to drown me (I feared I was Tom Hanks incarnate in Castaway), I sputtered, sank, and swam 4 lengths of the pool, going from freestyle, to backstroke, to my lame breaststroke. Reaching the wall, coming up for air, and blowing snot out my nose, Joy let me pause momentarily and then enthusiastically asked,

“Ready to do it again!?!”

"No, I don't, Joy. I don't wanna wipe anymore snot from my nose. I can't do this. You can't make me. I want to take my pool toys with me, get a bottle of rum, throw a tiny, fru-fru umbrella in it, and call it a day."

So through my "dorky-hybrid-goggles-slash-face-mask" (see pic above), I gave her the skunk eye and my waterlogged body, did it again. It was comical. You see, I'm still trying to learn not to breathe out when I'm to breathe in and not to breathe in when I'm to breathe out. It's like walking and chewing gum, right? Not for this girl. Clearly, this is why I gave myself a year to “catch a wave,” get my scuba certification, and stand-up paddle board in the Pacific Ocean. As Joy, cogently stated, “It’s not safe for you to be in the ocean yet.” And you know what. I AM going to win this. I’m now in practice mode for the next 4 weeks and will move on to more lessons in November (original post October 4, 2016; As of July 20, 2021, this never happened).

Now excuse me, I have to get snot out of my nose and water out of my ears. My umbrella drink awaits.

Zenitude for the day:

Don’t give up! No matter your age, tackle your fears and keep learning. As Dara says, “Age is just a number.”