Zenitude #28: 5 Sane Reasons Not To Insanely Google When Sick

1. I will Google it.

2. I will see it.

3. I will read it.

4. I will research it.

5. I will have it.

Don’t tell me that you haven’t done it, too. You have. I know it! You have gone all Doogie Howser, M.D. on yourself.

Suddenly, because we have “Googled” it, the 24-hour alien intestinal virus that seized our body has, at least in our minds, become Stage 200 colon cancer or some other life-threatening amoeba that's only found on a remote island, population zero, there’s no point of return and we now have exactly 24 hours or less to live. (But is my house clean???) Oh, now did it really help that we influenced Google when we typed in “intestinal cancer symptoms" or "rare deathly amoeba intestinal?” Or in the case of the headaches I started having in December, typing in “brain tumor?” That's just being a "Google Tease" and leading Google on when we type in those types of phrases. So, no duh, Crazy Christi!

Dear Wife Christi, aka Fake Doogie, when you are ill OR someone you know is ill,

Step away from Google. Step away from all health-related research. You do not have cancer (at least not right now -- probably). You are not going to die tomorrow (probably). You WILL die, but not from whatever stupid-a** thing you are thinking about looking up on Google today. Stop it. Go get some wine. You are not Doogie.

Signed, The Ever-Loving, Ever-Patient Husband

Zenitude for today:

DO take control of your health and wellness. DON'T go all Doogie Howser on yourself. You are not a medical genius.*

(*If you are, I'm your worst nightmare.)